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Devious Journal Entry
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Speech Stuff and The Mind of Madness
4 min read
Speech is the closest thing to art I will ever achieve. Being that I have the artistic and literal talent of a butcher, I can only find artistic release through spoken word. It's horrendous having all of these thoughts and idea for art but not having the time or skill to make them real. So I perform instead. I used to do duo in speech but I couldn't rely on my partner so I gave that up. Next I attempted humorous interpretation because I have always been told how funny I was so I figured "why the hell not?". After getting 4th and 5th places over and over again out of 45 some people competing against me I realized that this is overcrowded and rather pointless. It didn't matter how good I was because there was always someone who was better.
People laughed when I said I was going to try drama. Said I wasn't serious enough and I could never act sad enough to pull off the mood for a typical dramatic speech. For those who don't know, drama is known for boring speeches or works about abusive relationship, death, terminal illness, death, sad cry-baby girls, and more death. These people seem to forget that drama is more about acting and being over-emotional and less about telling a sob story. When I first watched drama it made me quite upset and embarrassed. These people were pathetic telling the same type of story over and over and over. It was madness!... Madness. That's when I realized that I could do something that hasn't been well or overly done. Maybe I suck at being sad and feeling over-emotional but MADNESS is something I can pull off! My parents did always tell me I was predisposed to being schizophrenic (my great-grandfathers both had it, runs in the family). Which is kind of sad and somewhat frightening but at the same time exciting!
The speech that I chose was perfect for me. "Bein' Crazy" the title really stuck out to say the least. It's about a madman who tells some of his life to another patient who may or may not even exist. I've been working on it for months now and it's almost perfect. Instead of 4th and 5th I'm getting 2nd and 1st in all of my competitions. Judges and competitors have told me how much they love my script and how amazingly I can pull off being insane. The only thing left is to choose what my introduction will be for my section meets. The tone is supposed to be serious but I can't decide which intro that I've made I should go with. Here is a few of them-
Madness. Pure, absolute madness. It isn't treatable. it's incurable. it's IRREVERSIBLE! And it lives inside each and every one of us. Oh yes! It's inside of you, inside of me, inside of them! It lives in our beating hearts, our hungry bellies, our tightened bowls... and it all just makes me laugh really... the people who say they will "defeat" madness- like it's some physical form that you can beat our of your life... Well, when and if you attempt to defeat madness, just remember one thing...
You've already lost.
You... You all think I'm mad... Don't you? think I'm crazy, think I'm insane... I don't expect you to understand. They rarely know what it's like- to be like me. The things I've seen and the things I've done to stop them, stop the visions, stop the nightmares, stop the unceasing noise. Being afraid of falling asleep at night because that's where the real fear is. That's where you watch your loved ones suffers tremendously horrid fates only to wake up screaming and laughing...laughing... that's what I don't get. fear, crying, screaming after a nightmare those are all normal. Why do I laugh? What causes me to think that I somehow deserve this, that this madness sometimes isn't a fiend or a haunting horror? I think the laughter... the submission is the only thing keeping me alive... The only thing keeping me from the visions and noises of my nightmares is the same thing that brings them. Madness. So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, heading for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember there's always madness. Madness is the emergency exit. Madness is your salvation!
It's just too hard to decide which one I want to use for the big leagues... This stuff is so important to me but I'm just so awful at making up my mind.
People laughed when I said I was going to try drama. Said I wasn't serious enough and I could never act sad enough to pull off the mood for a typical dramatic speech. For those who don't know, drama is known for boring speeches or works about abusive relationship, death, terminal illness, death, sad cry-baby girls, and more death. These people seem to forget that drama is more about acting and being over-emotional and less about telling a sob story. When I first watched drama it made me quite upset and embarrassed. These people were pathetic telling the same type of story over and over and over. It was madness!... Madness. That's when I realized that I could do something that hasn't been well or overly done. Maybe I suck at being sad and feeling over-emotional but MADNESS is something I can pull off! My parents did always tell me I was predisposed to being schizophrenic (my great-grandfathers both had it, runs in the family). Which is kind of sad and somewhat frightening but at the same time exciting!
The speech that I chose was perfect for me. "Bein' Crazy" the title really stuck out to say the least. It's about a madman who tells some of his life to another patient who may or may not even exist. I've been working on it for months now and it's almost perfect. Instead of 4th and 5th I'm getting 2nd and 1st in all of my competitions. Judges and competitors have told me how much they love my script and how amazingly I can pull off being insane. The only thing left is to choose what my introduction will be for my section meets. The tone is supposed to be serious but I can't decide which intro that I've made I should go with. Here is a few of them-
Madness. Pure, absolute madness. It isn't treatable. it's incurable. it's IRREVERSIBLE! And it lives inside each and every one of us. Oh yes! It's inside of you, inside of me, inside of them! It lives in our beating hearts, our hungry bellies, our tightened bowls... and it all just makes me laugh really... the people who say they will "defeat" madness- like it's some physical form that you can beat our of your life... Well, when and if you attempt to defeat madness, just remember one thing...
You've already lost.
You... You all think I'm mad... Don't you? think I'm crazy, think I'm insane... I don't expect you to understand. They rarely know what it's like- to be like me. The things I've seen and the things I've done to stop them, stop the visions, stop the nightmares, stop the unceasing noise. Being afraid of falling asleep at night because that's where the real fear is. That's where you watch your loved ones suffers tremendously horrid fates only to wake up screaming and laughing...laughing... that's what I don't get. fear, crying, screaming after a nightmare those are all normal. Why do I laugh? What causes me to think that I somehow deserve this, that this madness sometimes isn't a fiend or a haunting horror? I think the laughter... the submission is the only thing keeping me alive... The only thing keeping me from the visions and noises of my nightmares is the same thing that brings them. Madness. So when you find yourself locked onto an unpleasant train of thought, heading for the places in your past where the screaming is unbearable, remember there's always madness. Madness is the emergency exit. Madness is your salvation!
It's just too hard to decide which one I want to use for the big leagues... This stuff is so important to me but I'm just so awful at making up my mind.
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